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Written Observations Contributed to the Cause Final Countdown He Who Got Lost Sooner Sooner
Katastrophic Kacophony!
The Sound Became Unbearable
I know I haven't kept up with this in a while and it's primarily because I've just been busy. I've been busy with work and social life. I'm not particularly stressed though I do feel like I need to isolate myself at times. I believe that lately I've just been feeling the need to just go with the flow of things. My head can't process the next logical steps of things to come so instead it just wishes to go with whatever comes its way. I guess I'm saying I choose not to think as much about my decisions lately which has its pros and cons but that's another story for another day.

Outside of that I've been happy at work and with most of my coworkers. My friends are pretty cool but I need to find time to rest. I think with the hurricane that just passed us this was pretty good time to do so. I think.
Into The Forest
I feel myself getting bored; that's usually a dangerous thing. I lose the ability to become sympathetic with ideas, people, places, and things! I feel like something must change or at least find something that makes me feel like I could connect. I'm unsure about how I'll proceed with it as I have a tendency of just being completely reckless until I find the answer. Granted, this isn't the best method as there's always collateral damage that must be accounted for and I'd like to give it a subtle chances this time around.

Outside of that there are so many thing happening in life right now that I feel I need a break. It's been some time since I've actually had a vacation; every time I get close another issue pops up. Something to contemplate.
Got Lost or Into The Forest
Well, relatively a month away before I had decided to post anything at all or even have the time. I still check on livejournal while still continuously posting all over Twitter. It's easier to upkeep while mobile; granted I'd love to post more comprehensive thoughts here, but time doesn't allow it. I'm not even sure why I'm awake at this hour and have the ability to sit at a computer and update all that has happened within the past couple of months. I suppose I'll try to truncate it as best as possible.

Work has been going by well; there have been times I feel stressed due to deadlines and/or wanting things to be perfect but I'm only human and do what I can in a single day before leaving the remainder for the next day. It's not mechanical but there is a rhythm that is followed and I'm beyond appreciative of the work, the position, and the coworkers I spend most of my day with.

Life in general? It's nothing spectacular but it's definitely manageable than it was before. I'm also happy with what I've been given and with what I choose to invest time and money into. I've gone back to reading as many books as possible to keep me stabilized while not overly spending money on alcohol on the weekends to keep myself from feeling haunted by certain events and people. I smoke less during the week and primarily save it for the weekends when I do decide to drink heavy. My weekend activities have begun to become diverse as I decide to expand myself beyond the usual QXT's club mode. I took that into consideration when I felt that the particular club/scene was becoming stagnant and I was going to fall into the same routine on a weekly basis. Things have changed due to the departure of the norm and I feel accomplished for having experienced new things and continuously putting myself out of my comfort zone in an attempt to feel that there's more to life than just that particular club/scene.

Love (or lack thereof)? Regarding this aspect I've completely shut it down. I found myself putting in too much effort for nothing in return outside of frustration and anguish. It has left me jaded, no doubt but it's something I can live with for now. I don't seek company outside of my close knit circle of friends and don't seek anyone else as I've seen enough defensive triggers to ensure that anyone who gets even remotely close, I'll somehow find a way of pushing away. Yeah, I know it's not healthy but it saves me from feeling let down. I tend to keep to myself when speaking about this matter with others, though I'm definitely not shy about socializing with the opposite sex. I love conversation but that's exactly where it stays.

My social calendar fills up quickly; that's a good thing as it makes sure there's always something to do and I never run out of options. I've also taken to listening to more music of different genres to expand horizons and have also taken time to just breathe and assess situations rather than simply jumping into them based on emotions alone.

I think that about does it; I'm not sure when I'll post here again due to time and situations but am otherwise thankful I did so that I can look back upon this one day and keep track of where I am now as opposed to where I was a couple of months ago.

Mode of Living: contemplative contemplative

Into The Forest
Post to come relatively soon. Much to discuss.
Into The Forest
Full of anxiety but not of answers. I definitely need some time off.
2 Lost Themselves or Into The Forest
Lack of sleep is causing me to zone out and travel back in time to many of the mistakes I have made. Not cool at all. It almost feels too real...must get sleep.
Into The Forest
Curses...there's nothing important to write and yet I feel the need to. Is there something to keep up with? I'm not too sure. I just know that I'm disliking things being the same all the time. I love to drink and smoke. I love to be able to just drown myself in a situation where it feels like I'm having a lucid dream and both the rewards and consequences are real, at least to me. Granted, I love these things but they're not becoming repetitive to me; I need to figure out a way to either make these habits either new or something else. There really isn't much to it outside of a growing anxiety that everything is the same. Everything just seems like it's going at the same pace and to the same location and I'm simply not growing in one fashion or another. I believe I might be done with social experiments and my own levels of masochism to endure such things that would otherwise cause me to lose my mind. I think I'm tired of it all. I need something else to make me feel alive.

Mode of Living: bored bored

Got Lost or Into The Forest
There are times I contemplate whether or not I'd be able be able to write as I used to anymore or even if it matters. I still enjoy my ability to devour a book but don't seem to have it in me to just sit down and write something of substance. There aren't any quirky lines to writing about myself and such. I don't have any tricks up my sleeve or nothing beyond what the next bare-bones writer/blogger would expect. This being the case, I don't really care about writing at this time. I have others to write about me or spread the word of my name for both good and bad. I believe I'm probably much more content being someone else's protagonist. Let them figure out how they wish the story to go and how their saga with me continues and/or ends.

Beyond unsure about my writing, there isn't much outside of the usual. Still trapped in my mind regarding how to proceed with a certain someone and balancing between what I perceive as guilt vs. objectively seeing what's going on. I'm sure it'll work itself out in the end; if nothing else I'm pretty patient. Work is still work, the great distraction. I do work simply to pay bills and fuel my drinking expenses so that I could relax for the weekend and not have to think too much. I'm sure this'll take on a different notion once certain things get resolved, but for now its the cycle I'm involved in.

I figured I'd at least update this once to keep ground of where I am with myself as I'm starting to become less frequent with these updates as time continues to go on.


Mode of Living: blank blank

Into The Forest
Apologies that I haven't written in a while, though I plan to keep up with things in one fashion or another. What isn't written here is probably written/spoken by someone else about me.
Into The Forest
I'm not even sure what is happening anymore, but I have a feeling I'm going to be involved many random events that I have no particular control of. My week has me traveling much more than I hoped I would; next week sees me in CT for software training. This weekend will be a blur, but one that suggests that interesting things will occur simply because of the guys I will be hanging out with.

There's not special about this post or the matter in which it was written but I have a feeling this will be the beginning of something truly odd.
Into The Forest