I believe we destroy ourselves daily. Bring down walls, notions, attachments; etc. I believe some of us don't build something new from the wreckage while others do. Piecing things together from memories or ideals that didn't work yesterday but might today with some fine tuning. I'm unsure whether I am building everyday or simply deconstructing everything until I have nothing left to analyze. I grow tired and apathetic again in favor of retaining shards of sanity or peace.
No, I'm not attempting to be clever as much as I have run out of room in my head to continue listening to my own thoughts that go nowhere. I just don't know how to react or express myself is all. The smiles and warm welcomes are free but the drinks I pay for are not. Sadly, without that aid I find myself wound up and full of thoughts. Drinking doesn't remove the problem but it does help numb the overactivity of it. It allows me to simply react than to think and there are times where I need my instincts and liquid courage over my over-analytical mind.
I don't give myself rest; I constantly deconstruct myself...with very few changes. Sometimes I wonder...but lately I have been meaning simply not to.
Mode of Living: listless